Thursday, January 11, 2018
Russian "space" pirates tie the noodle knot in Wellington
Down here in the coolest little capital in the world, we sure do enjoy a lighthearted romp. And so it is perfectly proper that the world's first legal marriage by a celebrant of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster should have been staged here.
Pastafarians (and yes, that does does with "P", or else you don't get the joke) Dmitry and Daria Losev, from Moscow, chose Scorching Bay Beach as the ideal venue for renewing their vows to be meatballs to each other's pasta.
So, what the devil is a Pastafarian, pray? He or she is a member of a movement that promotes a lighthearted view of religion. Not only is it as legitimate as any other creed -- or so they say -- but it is perfectly harmless. Its deity is the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and pirates are divine beings.
The ceremony was conducted by Wellingtonian Karen Martyn, who is not just the Ministeroni and Top Ramen, but also the world's first legal marriage celebrant for the Church. And, you must admit it, Karen has style. "All hands on deck," she boomed. "Ye be welcomed to the nuptial noodle nodding of Dmitry and Daria.
"'Tis their love and lust that hooked 'em to each other and we be here to witness and support them with all our hearts."
And so, forthwith, the happy couple became "lawfully wedded co-captains," vowing to "stay at the helm when the seas are rough, whether he [or she] brings you a bouquet of flounders or a case of clams."
"I declare there be two captains of the good ship Losev," hollered Karen. "What say ye?"
No one dissented, and so an exchange of rings was made, each ring tastily made of ring-shaped "ringatoni," and the union was blessed with a slurping of the "noodle of love."
"Pastafarians are serious sceptics," declared Karen to the reporter, presumably with a straight face.